


Who's laughing now?

by gonattsaga



Series: Laugh all the way to the show [3]
Category: British Comedy RPF, Would I Lie To You? RPF
Genre: Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fragmented Narrative, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Public Display of Affection, Public proposal, Smoking, This Is My
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-11
Updated: 2013-05-19
Packaged: 2017-12-08 05:14:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/757461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gonattsaga/pseuds/gonattsaga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a desperate attempt to get David not to break up their secret relationship, Lee has committed to finally leave his wife and come out as David’s lover, even going so far as to actually suggesting they get married. In the heat of the moment, and clearly not being serious, David finally agreed to give them another chance if Lee actually were to get down on one knee and propose to him again except during the recording of next week’s episode of “Would I lie to you?” </p><p>It’s now been a week.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This is it

**Author's Note:**

> In this series, David Mitchell is homosexual and everyone but the public knows this so he's not really in the closet. (I didn't want to drag awesome VC into things, I already felt bad about writing in Lee's wife, who incidentally only shares her first name and her husband with the character I'm portraying in these fics!)

 

 

He feels faint. And he feels stupid for feeling faint, even though there’s a perfectly rational reason for it, mainly the fact that he hasn’t managed to eat a thing all day what with his stomach all funny and his nerves all prickled-up. But still, as far as he’s concerned, feeling faint is a characteristic shared only by 19th century maidens and 21st century workaholic women overdue to give birth.  And he’s quite sure he doesn’t fit either of those descriptions, despite the fact that he’s clearly losing his grip on things.

 

He decides to walk to the studio rather than driving, thinking the fresh air will do him good. As will the chain smoking he’ll be able to indulge in on the way. It’s quite a long walk, but it seems to pass in a blur and before he knows it, he’s only a couple of blocks away. He stops to finish his cigarette before heading over to the studio, but when he checks the time on his mobile he realises it’s over an hour until he technically needs to be there. So he lights another cigarette.

 

 _I really should have eaten something_ , he thinks.

The thought of food makes his stomach curl, but he still thinks he should have tried to get something in him, knowing it’s going to be hard enough to get through the day as it is, without the threat of blacking out hanging over him. The smoking probably isn’t helping, much, in that department. But it disguises the trembling of his hands and reminds him to breathe, and deeply. _That’s got to count for something_ , he reckons.

 

His mobile vibrates in his coat pocket, only the once so it’s not a phone call, but a text message. He doesn’t check who it’s from. He can’t deal with people right now. In less than an hour he’s going to have to face a whole audience of them, and not only that, he’ll have to make them laugh and love him, or at least like him, and act as though he likes them all back, and as though he’s really enjoying himself and not at all coming apart at the seams.

 

 

 

 

On his way home after having left David at the studio, or rather after David had left him, Lee had felt so sure about everything. The more he thought about it, about David’s crooked smile and his huge auburn eyes, his gentle hands and his soft hair, the surer he felt. It wasn’t until he was standing outside his front door that the reality of the situation actually dawned on him.

 

He stood there for a good couple of minutes, just working up the courage to press down the door handle and go inside. He felt cold all over and his heart was fluttering somewhere near his throat, panicking slightly by the feel of it, causing a mild ripple effect throughout his body. He took a deep breath, willing his hand to stop trembling before he finally opened the door.

 

Tara was sitting at the kitchen table, working away at her Notebook, two half-unpacked grocery bags behind her on the counter. Lee stood frozen in the doorway, just watching her. The sight warmed him up again, and at the same time he could feel a cold sweat breaking out and the trembles turn into a shiver. Tara looked up in surprise and then beamed at him.

 

“Oh, you’re home!”

 

Lee’s stomach sort of dropped _. This is happening, it’s really happening_ , he thought. She is so perfect, he must be mad to even be considering doing anything other than keep her happy.

 

“What time is it? Oh my God, I completely lost track of time! And I was going to surprise you with an early dinner too. Aww, I’m sorry love…”

 

Rounding the table, she leant up and gave him a gentle kiss on the corner of his mouth. Then moved over to the counter and started unpacking what’s left of the groceries. Lee swallowed, trying to get rid of some of the thickness growing in the back of his throat.

 

“That’s alright, love”, he mumbled.

 

“What’s the matter?” she asked, perceptive as always, although the question was casual and her focus on the groceries.

 

He swallowed again, then willed himself to take a few steps into the room. But he couldn’t bring himself to sit down, figuring that if he unlocked his knees, he might just crumble to the floor.

 

 

 

 

He lights a new cigarette, then gets his mobile out to check the time. It’s been two minutes since the last time he checked. He glances at the text message he received earlier. It’s from David. Ignoring the fluttery sensation in his belly, as well as the message, he writes one himself instead, to Tara, saying ‘I’m really sorry for everything. I hope you’ll be able to forgive me one day.’

 

He hesitates, then adds ‘I love you’ and sends it. 

 

It’s a quarter to, time to get going. _Better face the music_ , he thinks and flicks his half-smoked cigarette aside and starts walking again. David’s there already, as are Rob and three of the guest panellists. Lee ducks into the dressing room, avoiding David’s questioning, huge eyes and gladly shuts his own as Derek starts dabbing away at his face. He just remembers to hold his breath as the cloud of powder descends on him, but coughs anyway.

 

“Sorry, sorry”, Derek says.

 

“No worries”, Lee says.

 

“Did you get my text?”

 

Lee swallows past the lump in his throat and forces all his facial muscles to relax, aiming for casual but probably only half-succeeding judging by the worry on Derek’s face, before he turns to David.

 

“There”, Sheila says proudly and starts re-assembling her makeup kit. David smiles his thanks to her, then turns back to Lee, all raised eyebrows and _wow those eyes are going to be the death of me_ , Lee groans internally.

 

“You what?” he says coolly, or squawks more like.

 

“I sent you a text message nearly an hour ago, didn’t you get it?”

 

“Oh yeah, sorry, I did see it but I didn’t have time to read it, I had some stuff to finish up before coming here, you know. Sorry.” 

 

“Oh, right”, David says and for a moment his face is just as unreadable as it is during this show, and it really unnerves Lee.

 

“I figured if it was important you’d have called”, he says.

 

“Yeah, no, you’re right. I guess it wasn’t all that important, I just would have liked to get the chance to talk to you before we go on, you know. But it doesn’t matter.”

 

David favours him with a wide, but clearly forced smile, then briskly gets out of his chair and leaves the room. Rather hurriedly, Lee observes. He clutches the small box through the fabric of his jacket, ignoring the fuzzy edges of his vision and just reaches for a water bottle on the counter in front of him.

 

“Are you okay, mate?” Derek asks.

 

“What?”

 

“You’re looking a bit pale… are you feeling alright?”

 

“I’m fine. We about done here?”

 

“Hang on, let me put some rouge on you…”

 

Lee stifles a huff and settles back down in the chair.

 

 

 

 

“Listen”, he said. “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about…”

 

“Alright.”

 

“Where are the kids?”

 

“In the park with Sandie, why?”

 

“No reason, I just wanted to talk, you know… without being interrupted and that…”

 

Tara glanced over at him then and there was a flicker of concern in her eyes, but then she smiled and it was gone again.

 

“Okay”, she said. “Let me just unpack the rest of these…”

 

“Look, Tara, can we just sit down? Please…”

 

She turned towards him and half-chuckled, a packet of cocoa in her hand and a look of confusion on her face.

 

“Lee, what’s going on?”

 

“Can we sit down?”

 

“Did something happen?”

 

The concern was back in her eyes, steadily growing into full-blown worry. Lee glanced at the packet of cocoa she was gripping so hard her knuckles were whitening and for a moment he worried that she would break the plastic with her recently manicured nails.

 

“Lee.”

 

“I’m sorry”, he blurted.

 

“For what? Love, what’s going on?”

 

“I’m… I’m really sorry and… I’m in love, I didn’t mean for it to happen and it all happened so gradually, and then suddenly, you know like that film with Ewan McGregor where he plays that broker? Never mind…”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“I’ve been having an affair. I’m _so_ , so sorry. The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you, but I have to, because I fell in love, I didn’t mean to, I _really_ didn’t, I wasn’t looking for it, it just happened I don’t know how but it did and…”

 

“Is this one of your sick jokes, because I’m not laughing, Lee…”

 

He just shook his head, out of words suddenly. She stared at him for the longest thirty seconds he’s ever experienced, and then before he even realised she’d raised her hand, the packet of cocoa exploded against the wall behind him.

 

“Get out”, she snarled. “Get the fuck out!”

 

“No, wait, I need to tell you-“

 

“I don’t want to hear it, just get the fuck out of this house!”

 

“You don’t understand-“

 

She killed the distance between them in two and a half strides and pushed him hard in the chest, once, twice, and he stumbled half a step back. She pushed him a third time and he grabbed a hold of her arms. When she broke down, he caught her and cradled her momentarily until she’d got her sobs under control. She immediately pushed away from him again and turned her back to him, trying her hardest to stifle her tears.

 

“It’s David”, he said after a moment.

 

She didn’t answer him. She didn’t turn around.

 

“I’ve loved you for the moment I met you”, he told her. “I’ve loved you all these years, but in the past year or so that love has changed and I wasn’t even aware of it, not until…”

 

“Please get out”, he said quietly, still without facing him.

 

He only hesitated for a second, then quietly slipped out of the kitchen. He felt the telltale prickle of tears start building up at the corners of his eyes as ascended the stairs, but determinedly pushed them back. Getting a suitcase out of their walk-in closet, he packed his most essential things. It’s the simplest of tasks, and yet it took him forever because he was so light-headed he could barely move without feeling nauseous and his arms felt filled with lead. 


	2. Chapter two

They’re standing just off stage, waiting to go on and listening to the warm-up comedian wrap up his set. Lee glances over at David, standing a few meters away from him. He’s still got the smile stubbornly fixed to his face and his gaze on the newcomer, very obviously not looking at Lee or even in his general direction. Lee gets that. After all, as far as David is concerned the two of them broke up a week ago and are now about to go in front of a fairly large audience to joke and banter like everything’s fine and dandy. And without as much as a couple of pleasantries in private to tamp down the awkwardness. Because Lee didn’t even answer his text. 

 

 _He probably thinks I’m cross with him_ , Lee thinks. _Maybe he’s cross with me_. He sticks his hand into his pocket and wraps his fingers around the small, velvety box, squeezing it tightly in his fist for a moment. It’s a standard jewellery box, sort of round and square all at once, soft like an apricot. And red. It was all they had. _A bit girly_. He hopes David won’t think he’s taking the mick. He feels nauseous just imagining being out there. He can picture it vividly, kneeling in front of David, holding up the box like some poncey  Prince Charming, with the whole studio filling up with the hysterical laughter around them, laughter from the audience, and Rob, and the other panellists, everyone but David because he’d be mortified and hurt and outraged and _he’ll hate me and he’ll never want to see me again_.

 

The comedian finally wraps up his first set, takes a bow and tells them to give a very warm welcome, et cetera. Rob jogs out on stage and starts his spiel, or rather his pre-spiel, before recording. He introduces them all to the audience, and they all saunter out one by one and take their seats. _He’s still ignoring me_. Sarah leans in to ask if he’s alright. It’s starting to get on his nerves, if he’s completely being honest with himself.

 

“Why, do I need more rouge? I’m fine.”

 

“Okay, and we’re on in five, four, three…” Jodie tells them and only signs ‘two’ and ‘one’. The sign that says ‘Applause’ lights up. The camera on the crane does its sweep across the stage. Rob starts reading the auto-cue.

 

“Sarah, let’s start with you!”

 

Lee’s on auto-pilot. Jokes are dropping from his lips of their own accord. The audience is laughing at whatever they are, so it can’t be that disastrous, but his heart’s not in it. It’s like he’s lifting up from his own body, except he doesn’t get that bird’s eye view that people usually describe when talking about out of body experiences. It’s still David, there opposite him, also laughing a little at his jokes but still not looking directly at him. _And what’s the point of that, really?_

All week, what’s haunted him the most, is the image of those eyes. Whatever emotion in them. Just those dark eyes, focused on _him_ , sometimes even drinking him in, or twinkling with fondness. He can’t bear this visual silent treatment. He’d even take sparks of anger or that rare sheen of hurt over this, being denied access altogether. Just eye lashes and a floppy fringe.

 

Time for round two. ‘This is my…’ Rob makes the spiel and the person walks out on stage. It’s a guy in his mid-thirties, rather fit, but dressed in middle-age type of clothes. His name is Mark, and according to Sarah he once saved her from a rowdy ostrich. The audience laughs. On his left, Jimmy Carr spins them a story of a midnight break-in. The audience laughs again. Rob chuckles politely and then turns to Lee.

 

“Lee, how about you? How do you know Mark?”

 

Still staring across the wide space between them, Lee can’t manage to tear his eyes away from David just yet. There is a pause, only a beat really, but it feels like ages. Lee watches as David takes a deep breath, then looks up with determination. Looks right at him, finally. He’s got his ‘game face’ on, but there’s a hint of something in his eyes. Something real. Lee swallows, trying to keep his own ‘game face’ on, but judging by the worry line that appears on David’s brow, he suspects that he’s not been completely successful.

 

Finally he turns to look at Mark, and even as he feels himself floating further and further away from himself, the knots in his stomach tighten. But it’s not just anxiety and adrenalin fighting for room inside of him, it’s determination as well. His pulse is speeding up and his thoughts are following close behind. Or rather thought, because it’s just the one, going on a loop; _this is it, this is it, this is it_ …

 

“This is Mark…”

 

 

 

 

As soon as the door opened, Lee felt a wave of relief wash over him. He’d never been so glad to see Noel, not even when he strutted onto the ‘Let’s dance – for comic relief’ stage in full-on drag. Of course, Noel took one look at the suitcase by Lee’s feet, then looked him straight in the eyes and told him he was idiot. But there was hint of compassion in his otherwise exasperated face, and it warmed Lee’s heart.

 

“Nice to see you too”, he replied.

 

“Go on then…”

 

Noel stepped aside and gestured into the flat. Lee brushed passed him. As soon as he got inside the door, he put his suitcase down and enveloped Noel into a hug. It lasted for several seconds, probably a few seconds too long, but Noel hugged him right back and for a moment Lee felt twenty years old again, the last time he broke up with somebody. Noel had hugged him then too and then he’d stayed up with him well into the early hours of the morning, despite having a day job to get to a few hours later.

 

Lee clapped his friend on the shoulder, then pulled away.

 

“Should I make us a cuppa, then?” Noel asked. “Or I have some vodka, case you fancy something a bit stronger.”

 

“Tea’s fine. Thanks.”

 

Noel lead the way into the kitchen and Lee dropped into his usual seat at the table. As Noel started pottering about, putting the kettle on and searching through his cupboards for biscuits, Lee told him what had happened with Tara, how he’d come clean with her about the affair and she’d told him to get out. Noel hummed sympathetically a few times. Then Lee told him about the real reason for telling Tara, about the chat, or rather argument, with David the previous week. And he told him about his plan to set things right between them again. During this part of the story, Noel turns around to face him, kettle completely forgotten on the stove behind him.

 

“Blimey”, he said when Lee finished talking and he both looked and sounded genuinely stunned. “I had no idea it was that serious… Well, I mean, I knew David was…”

 

“What, you thought I was just using him or something?”

 

“No… I mean, you know, not exactly. I could tell you really cared about him. I just didn’t realise… I mean, I never thought you’d actually leave Tara.”

 

“Yeah… neither did I, to be honest”, Lee admitted. “So is it alright if I kip here for a few days?”

 

“Yeah, oh, yeah, course… Oh shit, the tea!” he remembered and put the stove on.

 

As they were waiting for the kettle to boil, Noel slid into the seat next to Lee and offered him a biscuit shaped like a Smiley face. Lee chuckled and accepted it gratefully, even though he couldn’t bear the thought of eating anything at that moment.

 

“So where’s Birdy?”

 

“Off to Edinburgh with some friends for the weekend. So there’s lots of room in the bed!”

 

“I think I’ll stick with the sofa, wouldn’t want you to get any ideas”, Lee says.

 

“Fat chance, you chubby tart.”

 

The kettle started wailing behind them and Noel jumped to his feet. Lee hadn’t told him the whole truth about his plan to patch things up with David yet. So far he’d only suggested that David had given him an ultimatum and that had made him realise where his heart lay, and that he would be getting a divorce and as far as Noel was concerned, that was his way of proving to David how serious he was. There had been no mention of a proposal, public or otherwise, mainly because he wasn’t quite ready to think about it himself just yet. He figured ‘divorce’ was subject enough for one day.

 

_Monday, getting a divorce. Tuesday, getting remarried._

 

 

 

 

He swallows passed the lump in his throat, hyper-aware of the attention he was receiving from every person in the studio, but mainly from David. He glances over once, but then he has to focus on Mark and Rob. _This is going to be hard enough as is_ , he thinks.   

 

“…and he sold me an engagement ring yesterday afternoon.”

 

Scattered laughs can be heard amongst the murmur in the audience. Rob is watching him intently, probably waiting for the other half of his story, the half in which he reveals that he’d been helping out a friend or a relative who was planning to get engaged and then something hilarious happening on the way to the jewellery shop or inside it. Lee simply stared back at him, feigned calm wrapped around himself like an invisible security blanket.

 

“Right!” Rob exclaims after the brief pause, then spins his chair to face the other way. “David’s team, what do you think?”

 

“Okay, let me get this straight…” Dara says to Lee.

 

But David immediately sits up and starts talking over him, saying they should start with Jimmy and then goes off on one of his trademark rants after only one question.

 

Lee watches him the entire time, a real calm settling over him. The floating sensation is still there, but for the first time he embraces it and allows it to cradle him back. All weights have been lifted off his chest. He’s reached the proverbial point of no return, and it’s exhilarating.  

 

“David”, Rob says. “Do you want to move on to the next one-?”

 

“Yes, Sarah!” David says quickly.

 

“No, hang on!” Dara exclaims. “I want to get back to Lee for a second. Lee, the engagement ring that you purchased, I’m assuming you got it for somebody else and not yourself?”

 

“Well you know what they say about assuming, don’t you? It makes an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘ming’.”

 

More laughs from the audience. David is looking decidedly uneasy, though. Part of Lee feels bad for doing this to him, the remaining part of him would be panicking about the fact that David doesn’t seem too thrilled about the idea at all and will most probably say ‘no’, but he is so far beyond panic that all he feels is the calm, even as his heart is hammering away in his chest and his head feels even lighter than before he walked out on the stage, he’s just calm.

 

“Alright, so you’re telling us you got this engagement ring, or these engagement rings I suppose?”

 

“If you’re asking me if I got one for myself as well, then you are correct.”

 

“Okay, alright, now I don’t know if anyone’s ever explained to you the rules of engagements as it were, eehm… but the _traditional_ way to get engaged is in fact, to do it _before_ you get married, and _not several years after_ … and you are, correct me if I’m wrong, a married man already.”

 

“I am… but I’m separated.”

 

The panellists and Rob exchange glances. There are murmurs coming from the audience again. He can see David in his peripheral, staring at him, but he can’t bring himself to meet his eyes, any more. _Not yet_.

 

“Right…” Rob says awkwardly. “Sarah?”

 

Dara and Vic take turns asking her a couple of questions, but their hearts aren’t really into it and no-one seems to really be listening to what little she offers in reply. Rob is trying to make eye-contact with David, but his gaze is stuck to Lee. It’s like someone, _me_ , Lee acknowledges, has punctured the atmosphere in the studio.

 

“Right”, Rob says again, glancing nervously at Karen and Barbra standing off stage, but they look as confused as everyone else and Barbra just signals for him to keep going and pretend like nothing, so he plasters on a wide smile and turn back to David’s team. “I have to press you for an answer!”

 

“Well”, Vic says. “To be honest, I think Lee’s the only possible answer, I mean, if he weren’t… separated, would he lie about that and about… getting engaged, on National television?”

 

“Yeah”, Dara agrees. “Unless he’s got an extremely laid-back and understanding wife… Do you know his wife, David?”

 

“So are you saying me or not?” Lee interrupts.

 

“Hang on, hang on”, Dara says. “He seems awfully eager for us to go for his story, now doesn’t he!”

 

“Yeah, but I still think it’s the only possible option”, Vic says. “David, what do you think?”

 

“I…” David croaks out, then stops himself short. “Y-you can’t, I mean, _it_ can’t… be… it’s just, it’s, no…”

 

“Okay, so David’s saying ‘no’”, Rob summarises unnecessarily. “So, if not Lee, who are going to say?”

 

“No, come on!” Vic protests, turning in his seat to face David. “I has to be Lee!”

 

“I, I’m leaning towards Lee as well”, Dara admits.

 

“No”, David mumbles, then clears his throat. “No, I’m gonna overrule my team and say Jimmy!”

 

“You’re saying Jimmy”, Rob confirms. “Alright, let’s find out. Mark, would you tell us who you are?”

 

As Mark presents himself and tells everyone that he did indeed sell Lee a set of engagement rings, Lee slowly stands up. The studio goes eerily quiet. The camera men are exchanging confused looks. David looks like he’s experiencing vertigo, but can’t seem to break eye contact with Lee.

 

Lee slowly walks around Rob and steps right up to David, only the desk between them, and he reaches into his jacket pocket and takes out the jewellery box. David’s eyes are now impossibly huge. He refuses to look down at the box and instead maintains the eye lock, almost desperately. Lee opens the box, aware of the nervous energy oozing from the other people in the studio and the quiet that only seems to get heavier and heavier. Holding out the box, he says “I know you said to get down on one knee, but if I kneel down here you won’t be able to see me. I could move around to the other side of the desk of course, but I think it would look really suspicious from the audience point of view if I kneeled there… I can go halfway”, he says and bends his knees a little.

 

He gets a few scattered laughs, albeit nervous ones.

 

David says nothing.

 

Lowering his voice and forcing himself to get serious again, Lee adds “I know you were only joking, so I won’t hold you to your promise. But I’m really hoping you’ll say ‘yes’…”

 

David inhales a shaky breath and finally tears his eyes away from Lee and scans the surrounds instead, searching for Barbra.

 

“I… I really need a break”, David says.

 

Barbra and Karen both nod, furiously. There is a tumult of movement around them, the other panellists make themselves scares, the warm-up comedian comes running onto the stage and starts yelling out jokes at random, even though half the audience ignores him. Some are standing up in their seats, others are filming or taking pictures of David and Lee with their camera phones.

 

It’s the nightmare scenario Lee’s imagined all week. He straightens up again, but can’t bring himself to shut the jewellery box just yet.

 

“I want a word”, David says sharply as he also stands up. “In private.”


	3. Talking

_I can’t believe I’m really doing this, I can’t believe this is my life_ , Lee thought as he stood staring into the jewellery shop’s window.

 

Suddenly, all the cold feet thoughts that should have popped up pre-breakup were now crowding his brain, _what if David says no_ , and _what if he says yes_ , and _what’s going to happen with Tara and me, and the kids, how am I ever going to make this right again?_ And under those, a building mantra of panic, _I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I can’t do this_

 

But then, _it’s already done, isn’t it?_

 

And that actually calmed him down. It wasn’t up to him anymore, because the damage had already been done. By him, mind you. But done all the same. It was too late to change things now, so might as well see it through. Once again, his gut feeling had made his decision for him, and for once, he was immensely grateful for his impulsive nature. If these thoughts had indeed popped up when he was stood on that doorstep, working up the courage to go inside his own house and face his wife, then he’d never have had the courage to go through with it, however right it’d felt. _Right, it feels right, it_ is _right._

 

He took one last deep breath, then entered the shop.

 

 

 

 

 

David leads the way towards the smoking area, in fact he more or less power walks over to it and it’s all Lee can do to keep up. _The expression ‘Dead man walking’ springs to mind._

 

As soon as the door closes behind him, David rounds on him with a glare and despite the frightening pressure in his chest, Lee can’t help but to think that if David was a cartoon, he’d be shooting sparks out of his head right now.

 

“Have you gone _completely_ insane?” David bellows. “I don’t even know where to start! That was the most humiliating experience I’ve ever had to sit through, what _exactly_ were you thinking?”

 

“Well, I was going for ‘romantic’…” Lee mumbles despite himself. His vision starts to blur around the edges, _really should have eaten something_.

 

David’s on one of his rants again, but Lee finds it hard to stay focused on what he’s actually saying, but judging from the few words that jumps out at him, David’s still not sure this whole thing isn’t one big joke. And Lee gets it, was prepared for it even. There was a time when he would have done that, gone through with it without being serious and hoping that the audacity of it would come off as ‘endearing’ and that that alone would be enough to fix things and get him a second chance.

 

 _Not with David, though_. _And I wouldn’t try with David either, wouldn’t want to. Might be a connection there,_ he figures.

 

“Are you even _listening_ to me?” David exclaims and kills the distance between them with a couple of confrontational steps.

 

The subtle smell of his cologne hits Lee like a wave. At first he thinks that’s why he suddenly feels faint, but then the blurry edges of his vision begin to darken and creep closer together. David frowns at him, losing his momentum.

 

“Are you alright?” he mutters. “Because you really don’t look it.”

 

“’m fine”, Lee mumbles with as much conviction he can muster.

 

The last thing he sees before his vision goes completely dark, is David’s startled face. Then a wave of dizziness sweeps through his head and his entire body goes numb. He starts to crumble, but David’s arms grab him tightly by the waist and he props him up against his own body as he becomes dead weight for a moment. He doesn’t lose consciousness, just his sight and nearly all sensation in his body. It only lasts for about thirty seconds, though. But even as the darkness begins to clear from his eyes and a cold trickle starts filling up his limbs, Lee feels ridiculously weak and has to keep leaning heavily of David for several more minutes.

 

“Lee, what’s going on?” David huffs out, and there’s an underlying tone of alarm in his voice, poorly coated in calmness.

 

“I’m fine”, Lee insists again, with a little more conviction this time.

 

He starts to pull away as he feels his strength returning to his legs. David watches him cautiously the entire time and doesn’t quite let him go, at least not all the way, but he allows him to support his own weight.

 

“I just need to eat something”, Lee reassures him.

 

It doesn’t quite appease David, but rather the contrary. The hint of worry in his eyes grows to massive proportions and spreads across his face.

 

“When was the last time you ate anything?”

 

“Yesterday morning”, Lee admits, and upon receiving a scandalized look in return he feels the need to defend himself and adds, “I’ve been very nervous, you know! _You_ try and keep your food down when you’re about to put your heart on your sleeve and make a complete fool of yourself in front of two hundred people, not to mention the probability of having said heart crushed, also in front of two hundred people…”

 

David doesn’t say ‘I love you’ or even ‘I’m sorry’. He says, “You _moron_.”

 

“Clearly!”

 

David huffs a little, then seems to realise that he’s still got his hands on Lee’s waist and lets them drop to his sides.

 

“Come on then”, he says. “Let’s go get you something to eat…”

 

“You wanted to talk”, Lee reminds him feebly.

 

David sort of glares at him, but there’s no real heat behind it.

 

“Food first”, he says sternly. “I rather you were _conscious_ during the conversation.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

The little bell above the door jingled as he entered. It was a small shop, cramped with different kinds of jewellery, most of it cheap silver with fake stones in different cute stiles like butterflies and kittens and hearts. His eye was accidentally caught by a small bracelet with tiny golden hearts hanging off it and he couldn’t help thinking his daughter would love it. A stinging sensation appeared in his chest and he tried instead to focus on the young man who came out smiling from the back room. He looked quite nerdy, but genuinely friendly, even if the smile was rather exaggerated.

 

“Hiya!”

 

“Alright”, Lee mumbled and approached the counter warily.

 

“Were you looking for anything in particular, Sir?”

 

“Yeah, I am, actually… I eh… I’m looking for some engagement rings.”

 

“Oh, right”, the younger man said, and his smile took on a more genuine quality. “That’s wonderful, what sort of design did you have in mind?”

 

“Oh geez”, Lee muttered. “I don’t know…”

 

The young man chuckled and walked over to the edge of the counter and got out a selection of rings. Lee hesitated for a second, then took another deep breath and followed him.

 

“If you wanted something modern, we have some lovely design rings… but if you rather go for something more traditional…”

 

Lee glanced at the rings, they were all male-female combinations. He felt his heart pick up its pace slightly, even though he didn’t actually feel that nervous about asking this man, _kid_ , about a matching set of men’s rings, instead.

 

“Personally, I love this one”, the kid continued, lifting up one of the traditional ones, a woman’s ring.

 

“Actually”, Lee muttered. “I need two identical ones, for, you know, two men…”

 

“Oh!” the kid said and his eyes actually lit up and now the smile took on an almost familiar quality. “Well, basically, you can have any of these designs in a set of two men’s rings, that’s not a problem at all… see anyone you like?”

 

Lee didn’t. But that wasn’t really important, he figured. Just like the last time he was shopping for rings, he didn’t really think his opinion entered in to the equation. He didn’t need convincing, he was the one proposing, after all. Back then, he was trying to figure out which ring Tara would like and now he was supposed to magically know what type of design David would be partial to.

 

He had no idea. You’d think the fact that they were both blokes would have made this easier, but he was fairly certain that whatever design he’d like, David wouldn’t. Glancing up at the kid who was patiently waiting for him to answer him, he figured David’s taste in jewellery would be closer to him than to Lee’s. They were both equally nerdy, that was for sure.

 

“I don’t know”, Lee said. “I’m shit at this, ‘scuse me French, look, which one would you like?”

 

“I like this one”, he replied immediately and lifted up one of the modern ones and handed it over to Lee.

 

Lee looked at it. It was a simple design. Initially, he’d thought David wouldn’t go for anything modern if there was a traditional, classic, old alternative. But this one, he could definitely see David being okay with it. It wasn’t flashy. It wasn’t gold. He didn’t know what metal it was, but it was barely shiny. Except for a couple of thin stripes that went round the edges, they looked like silver. Maybe the whole things was made of silver, Lee thought. _Is that even okay for an engagement ring?_

 

“That’s a dual finish tungsten carbide band”, the younger man said.

 

“It’s a what?”

 

The man chuckled again, “It’s made of tungsten carbide, it’s an inorganic chemical compound containing equal parts of tungsten and carbon atoms. Sorry, I’m a bit of a geek…”

 

_Yeah, that’s why I’m asking._

 

“It’s about ten times harder than 18 karat gold and is becoming quite popular in wedding bands, for those of us that aren’t really tradition, or too fond of gold. And dual finish just means part of it’s polished, that’s the shiny part there, and part of it’s not.”

 

“Yeah, I’ll take it.”

 

“Okay”, the man chuckled. “You sure you don’t want to look at a few more before you decide?”

 

“God no. Actually, I do have one more question, it’s a bit unrelated, well kind of… See I’m on this panel show, maybe you’ve seen it, it’s called Would I lie to you… and in the show there’s a segment called ‘This is my’…”

 

“Yeah, I know, I’ve seen the show…”

 

“Oh, good, great. Well, the next recording is tomorrow and I was wondering if you’d be willing to appear as my ‘this is my’, although I should warn you it probably won’t make it into the show…”

 

“Right… I guess, that’s fine…”

 

“Great, cheers! So I’ll just take the two rings, and actually there was a bracelet, as well…”

 

 

 

 

They slip into the canteen, not really unnoticed but definitely left alone. David grabs a huge sandwich and some fruit, then hands it all over to David as he pays for it.

 

“I can get it”, Lee protests, but David ignores him.

 

He smiles his thanks to the cashier and then gently tugs Lee over to a table in the corner. They sit down opposite each other and when it becomes clear to Lee that David won’t say a word until he’s eaten something, Lee unwraps the sandwich and takes a huge bite out of it. He chews almost demonstratively. David raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t comment. He’s learned not to encourage the childish side to Lee.

 

“I can’t believe you did that”, he says instead.

 

“You told me to”, Lee reminds him.

 

“I wasn’t serious!”

 

“I know… I am, though.”

 

Karen approaches them with an apologetic look and crouches down next to the table and tells them in a low voice that they really need to crack on, the audience is getting restless. David glances at Lee, the worried look back on his face and Lee quickly puts the last bit of sandwich in his mouth and reaches for one of the apples.

 

“Yeah, alright”, David says, but he still looks unconvinced.

 

“I’m fine”, Lee assures him, and this time he really means it. “I feel much better already. Honest.”

 

“’Honestly’”, David corrects him even as he’s turning to Karen, it’s almost obsessive-compulsive with him and half the time he doesn’t even seem to be aware he’s doing, like now.

 

“So what’s the plan?” he asks Karen.

 

“Well we have a back-up for the ‘This is my’ segment on stand-by, so we can either shoot that segment again, or we can stick with the one we have and do some pick-ups on… you know, the last bit… I mean, it’s up to you, really.”

 

“Are you sure that would be a good idea?” David asks sceptically.

 

“I don’t know if I turn that into something funny”, Lee admits. “I mean, we can play it like it’s all a big practical joke, but I’m not sure it’ll be funny enough…”

 

Karen’s eyes widen slightly when she realises that it hadn’t actually been a practical joke to start with, but she kindly doesn’t comment on it, just agrees that the best thing to do is re-shoot the whole segment.

 

“We’ll be right there”, Lee tells her.

 

On the way back to the stage, David discretely rests his hand on top of Lee’s lower arm and Lee looks at him, notes that his eyes are guarded now and wonders if that’s because he’s put his ‘game face’ back on or if he genuinely doesn’t want Lee to read him right now. Lee can’t really afford to hope at this point, so bats the thoughts away entirely.

 

“Afterwards”, David says. “Can we go somewhere? You know, and finish our talk…”

 

“Yeah”, Lee breathes out. “We could get a coffee?”

 

David’s lips twitch a little.

 

“If you want.”

 

“It’s a date.”

 

 

The rest of the show goes by in a blur, but once it’s over and they all head to the dressing rooms to remove their make-up and grab their things, both Lee and David slow down their pace. Lee knows he’s stalling, and judging by the immaculate way David gets ready and gathers his things, he reckons he’s stalling too.

 

“Right”, David says finally as he’s clearly run out of things to do. “Shall we?”

 

He hadn’t been aware of holding his breath as soon as David begun to speak, but realises it as he replies breathlessly, “Yeah…”

 

They walk in silence, side by side, and head towards the usual café, our café as Lee thinks of it now, and don’t really look at each other until they’ve entered. David’s the one to break the silence, asking if Lee wants to grab them a table while he orders.

 

Sure, Lee says and starts scanning for an empty table. It shouldn’t come as a surprise to him that David knows him so well that he doesn’t even need to ask what to get him. He does know him that well and why wouldn’t he, they’ve been together, _God we have, haven’t we, we’ve been together, all this time_ , for months and months now. No, it’s been over a year, two almost. He can’t believe it’s been that long, but it has. Of course, they don’t know each other as well as they would have done if they’d lived together for all that time, or even part of it. But still. Two years.

 

He grabs a corner table by the window. David joins him almost immediately, carrying a tray with one coffee cup and one coffee _glass_ , for the life of him, Lee will never understand how anyone can drink that, let alone call it coffee, he can’t even pronounce it himself, and in-between the two drinks there’s a small plate with a piece of cake. And one spoon, Lee notes.

 

“We’re not sharing?” he asks, nerves forgotten for a moment, back in their usual routine.

 

“No, I… I don’t really feel like it…” David mumbles as he sits down in the seat opposite.

 

Lee doesn’t buy for a minute, but he doesn’t say anything because he’s not sure if David is on some ridiculous diet, or if he in fact feels too nervous to eat anything at the moment. Instead, he sips his coffee. David does the same, and then immediately licks the subtle layer of foam off his upper lip. Lee’s suddenly seized by the urge to lick it off for him the next time he takes a sip, but he wouldn’t have been allowed to do that even before all of this happened.

 

“I’m sorry I embarrassed you”, he says after a few more sips in silence.

 

“It’s okay”, David mumbles. “Just… please never do that again. Ever.”

 

“What, propose to you on national television?” Lee quips.

 

A faint blush appears on David’s face, even as he rolls his eyes at him. “Yes. But I meant more in general, you know, public displays of affection and all that, I really don’t… It’s not really my thing… at all.”

 

 _There goes the possibility of licking foam off his face_ , Lee thinks, but what he says is “I know…”

 

And he does know. David is the most private person he’s ever met, and Lee’s met a fair amount of awkward comedians in his day. Contrary to his public persona, David is shy and insecure beyond belief. He usually jokes about that, but always in the past tense, when he’s talking about himself as a child or a teenager. Although he’s never claimed to not be shy now that he’s an adult, he never really acknowledged it either. But Lee, and everyone who knows him in the real world, knows just how awkward and insecure he really is. Stick him in a room full of people mingling and drinking cocktails and he’ll be stood in a corner nursing his one and only drink, hoping no-one will notice him and if they do, unless it’s someone he’s actually close to, he’ll get his customary deer-in-headlights look, stammer out some fairly acceptable small talk, then make a hasty retreat.

 

 _Never did that with me, though._ Come to think of it, it was David who approached Lee and started making small talk the first time they met, just before they started recording the pilot of _Would I lie To You_. It was awkward small talk, but small talk nonetheless. And David initiated it. Lee’s never really given that a second thought, until this very moment. Looking back now, he realises what a huge thing that was. _He must have really liked me_.

 

“I’m sorry”, Lee says again.

 

David sighs. He looks really uncomfortable _._

 

“I said it’s fine… are you really, did you really…”

 

“I left her, yeah”, Lee says, gently, because David is steadily paling and trembling all over.

 

He tries to sound reassuring, like it’s not a big deal, like it’s all fine, like it wasn’t a spur of the moment, impulsive decision that he might regret in a week’s time, and even though, technically it was, the more he thinks about it, the more he says it aloud, as heart-breaking as it is to be on bad terms with Tara, it’s becoming clearer and clearer to him that it’s the right thing and a long time coming.

 

“Been kipping at Noel’s place for the past week. Tara’s still upset, but then she’s got every right to be doesn’t she… she’ll come around though, I’m sure of it, might take a while, but I genuinely believe we’ll be able to be friends of sorts, one day, you know… I won’t regret it, I don’t regret it, I should have told her ages ago, that I do regret, having done that to her, to you… I feel like a right shit to be honest…”

 

“I came on to you”, David mumbles, he still won’t look Lee in the eyes, and he’s still trembling.

 

Lee realises he’s actually fighting tears. _He thinks it’s all his fault._

_“_ David… it takes two, pardon the cliché, and besides… you’re the best thing to have happened to me since Millie were born.”

 

“Was”, David corrects, sounding miserable.

 

Lee takes a deep breath, then gets up with a “Be right back” and heads over to the counter to get a refill of coffee. He also asks for another spoon which he hands to David without explanation as he sits back down in front of him. David accepts the spoon without a word and immediately takes a bite out of the piece of cake.

 

After another couple of bites, David puts the spoon down and takes a deep breath. He finally meets Lee’s eyes, if only for a second, and smiles a little crookedly.

 

“Listen”, he says, gazing out of the window next to them, “If you’re getting a bit fed up with Noel’s sofa, you could always come stay at mine if you want… I mean, it wouldn’t have to permanent!”

 

Lee would be disheartened if it wasn’t for the faint blush that’s crept onto David’s face again. _He’s worried I’m going to say no_.

 

“David…” he says gently and leans forward until the edge of the table cuts into his chest and upper arms, waits for David to glance at him then continues, “I’ve just _proposed to you_. I think it’s fair to say that _I_ want us to live together.”

 

The blush on David’s face deepens immediately. His gaze drops back to the table top, but now he’s also smiling a little. The worry is still there, though. It’s collected as tension in his shoulders and the small muscles around his eyes.

 

“Do you still not believe I was being serious?” Lee asks.

 

“I do”, David murmurs. “I just…”

 

Taking a breath, David finally looks up again and _finally_ meets Lee’s gaze, properly. His eyes and basically all of his face are open, completely open to him. _Heart on his sleeve, I think I’ve reached the edge of the map, better tread lightly._

“I just think you’ll change your mind”, David says truthfully.

 

Lee inhales the words, really sucks them into his lunges, then nods.

 

“Tell you what”, he says. “Why don’t I move in with you to start with, Noel’s sofa will have broken me back before the weekend, and we’ll just see if you think you’ll be able to tolerate me and my chaotic living on a regular, permanent basis and then… then I’ll ask you again, yeah?”

 

David swallows thickly, then nods. Most of the tension in his face melts away. Some drops from his shoulders as well, but not nearly all of it. But then he’s always tense in his shoulders. _Maybe he’ll let me give him a massage later_ , Lee thinks. _Maybe he’ll do me as well. Maybe we’ll even have make up sex_.

 

“Although”, Lee adds. “You did technically say ‘I do’ just then…”

 

David huffs and gives him an exasperated look, but underneath it there’s a hint of fondness. Lee hadn’t realised how starved he’s been for that look. Until now. 


End file.
